As I write this, it is the final day, and the final six hours left in the year 2024. I had such hopes for the year when it started; I finished my first novel and sent it to my editor, I published a record album of music I wrote and recorded when I lived in England in 1983 that languished on a reel of 1/4” tape at the bottom of a box for 30 years. I got involved in the election. I had enough cash to get through the rest of the year and then some. I’ll have a job, or some of those other things will start to pay out by then, I thought. No problem! Then calamity struck on a number of fronts: our car’s engine failed completely, sink faucet failed and needed replacing, the garage door opener failed, other unexpected and things we were unprepared for happened, and the funds dwindled away. Of course, there was the election too, and you all know about how that went. Expect the unexpected.
So I got my old pickup truck running again - it needed a new battery and a change of oil. We did a garage sale - made a whopping $50 - enough to fill the gas tank once, and cleared out space to open the other manual garage door (still working on that so I can free my lawn mower and tools up to do yard work again - we have a lot of junk unresolved from our previous move, post pandemic). I wrote a number of short stories - since I no longer have the cash needed to fund registering my novel with the Library of Congress or publishing it - perhaps I can sell some short stories to the mags? My job search also ramped up, and I splurged for a premium membership to LinkedIn and got very active there polishing and submitting my resume for various types of jobs that I qualify for. For some reason, I can’t get the ‘verification’ function to work for my account - very frustrating and no help in sight. Looking at the stats for each job: on average, over 60% of the hundreds of applicants are ‘Senior’ level, with it dropping off quickly the lower down you go. 30 job applications later, and many hours trying to tailor my resume for each job, still no bites.
My wife just came home and said we’ll be spending tonight at her mom’s - mostly to have some menudo (for good luck) maybe some black-eyed-peas (again, for good luck), and then head home before midnight. I’m not into it. I can’t lie; this year has just kicked the shit out of me, and there she is looking at me with expectation and promise. Promise that I’ll keep the roof over our heads, and expectation that I’ll be able to get a job that is beyond what she can get. She spent time at home raising the kids all those years, and now that job is done and her skills are nonexistent for the job market. She is trying to start a business with her sister for the past month, but it’s at the beginning; barely breaking even. She has been patient with me and my dreams over the past 5 years - but the sand in the hourglass is about to run out at midnight. Then I’m going to turn into a pumpkin.
So, like many Americans, we are facing bankruptcy. Unless a new year’s miracle happens, I’m going to be searching for a bankruptcy attorney tomorrow to schedule an appointment to see what our options are. Joy to the World! Our children are gone, thankfully, so they don’t have to live through this. Unfortunately, I can’t actually ‘retire’ on social security for another year and 4 months. My wife can, but her annuity would barely pay for a weeks worth of food. And, by the way, food isn’t a worry, we already applied for and received SNAP at the end of November and we got it a few weeks ago: we are not going to starve! Ah the small victories…
I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I am not quitting. I’m not giving up. I’m going to keep pushing forward towards my dreams and a job, if the dreams don’t pay enough, modified, of course, by what the lawyer says. There is also plenty to be thankful for: our daughters are both self sufficient and don’t have the kinds of student debt that we were saddled with at the beginning. I actually wrote a novel, and my editor returned it with plenty of red ink all over it. I have what I consider a very good short story after writing a batch of them that is worthy of publication, and I’m going to continue writing and working through my novel because every day I write, I get better. I’m also energized to produce more music - and definitely better music than I did when I was 19. Life is short, and whatever joy we can find should be savored.
So, my message to you this new year is “never give up.” No matter what life throws at you, get back up on your own two feet, and keep going forward. My little problems are paltry compared to what others are having to deal with in terms of their health, of living in a war torn country, or not having a warm home to return to each night. We should all look to these people, and with whatever meager resources we have, share with them so they do not lose hope. Let’s look adversity in the eye, and “never give up; never surrender!”